It's been a hard week. Last Saturday I went out for a couple of hours to celebrate Pride, I'd been working late and traveling all week, I had loads of work to get through and I was worn out, but I pushed myself because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought it was 'balance'. Doing a bit of both - work and play. I'm super conscious that one of the key areas that I'm not looking after is my social life, and so I thought I should go along for my friend and for myself.
But on reflection, I did a classic thing I always do. I tried to fit too much in. I pushed my body beyond its limits and on Sunday it had had enough.
I woke up the next day feeling miserable. Not even miserable, almost angry. I was grumpy from the get-go. I had a podcast interview (which I can't wait to share with you on Monday) and as I listened to my guest, I noticed the symptoms of a cold creep in. By the time I had finished, I felt depleted of energy and the rest of the day was a wipe off. Everything I tried to do was done reluctantly and with tears, and I can't really recall anything productive happening. By Tuesday I had to call in sick, and by yesterday I had a full on melt down.
I didn't drink at Pride, I didn't smoke, I didn't even party. It was just the combination of staying out later than normal when I'm already trying to do so much.
It got me thinking about balance. Finding balance with endometriosis is a tricky one, at least for me. I thought I was achieving balance by trying to get the best of all worlds, but I forgot that my kind of balance also needs to involve just doing one thing sometimes and being okay with that. In the past, I've also become so obsessed with getting better, that I focused so much on all the things that would 'fix' me. I swung in the opposite direction of balance and removed freedom, joy and creativity out of my life by being so set on a routine.
I think when you begin with the endometriosis diet and you begin making life style changes, it can be really easy to become so excited that things are working, that you want to do it all at once. This is what I did last year, and I learnt some heavy lessons from that experience and I'm still learning. I've always been one to push myself to extremes, and it takes a real whack in the face to remind me that it doesn't have to be an all or nothing attitude.
So this week, in light of these reflections, my latest column in Endometriosis News is all about my journey of starting the endometriosis diet, and the roller coaster of extremes I went through, to get to the place I'm in now - which despite all of the above, feels like the best place I've been so far.
You can have a read of my column here. I hope it's useful!